I just received the funniest email:


i’ve seen your site but im not impressed. Why wont you do girlfriend experience? this is what i’m after. I don’t want that fetish stuff. I want passionate kissing and a good time. im very sad you say you dont do this because that is what i want.

i would like to see you for an hour but only if you will do this. John”

And my can-you-guess-who-has-too-much-time-on-her-hands-right-now reply:

“Dear John,

I’m glad you spent enough time on my website to notice I don’t provide a ‘girlfriend experience’. But, since my clearly stated “I only participate in activities I genuinely enjoy” hasn’t sunk in, allow me to indulge your persistence.

You sound so great, I’d be happy to bend my boundaries just for you! I currently have a secret ‘girlfriend special’. It’s an overnight-only scenario ($3500) and goes like this:

‘I arrive at your hotel at 8pm. I’m glad we’ve chosen this special night for our rendezvous, because I’m in need of some attention. I’m wearing my casual clothes – pants and a buttoned cardigan, and flat shoes.

Not long after I arrive I get my period. It’s really heavy and there are blood clots. I send you to the 7/11 nearby to buy some tampons and some pads for good measure.

When you arrive back at the hotel I’m curled up on the sofa watching Richard Gere’s latest romance flick. I’ve changed into my flannel pajamas and thick bed socks with eyes on them. I’m also wearing my nanna period knickers but you don’t notice because after I grab the pads and tampons from you I send you out again. This time for ice-cream and Naprogesic.

After what feels like an eternity you get back but I’m upset because you’ve interrupted a good part of the movie and you took ages and I have really bad cramps.

You apologise, a bit flustered, and we finally cuddle up on the couch and settle in to watch the movie. Then we watch both Sex and the City movies and I fall asleep and drool on you a bit.

I wake up during the credits. It’s very late now, definitely time for bed. You’re hopeful – it’s a nice hotel you’ve splurged on after all.

When we get into bed you make a few smooth moves but I brush you off each time, saying I’m tired, I have my period and I have a headache.

It’s a restless sleep for us both, I spend a lot of time trying to get comfortable and you spend a lot of time deciding if you should have a quick wank or not. (You decide not to, reasoning I’ll probably give you a blow job in the morning).

Morning arrives and I’m grumpy because there’s only instant coffee in the room and you peed on the toilet seat during the night.

You get me a real coffee even though it will make you late for work, hopeful for a quick morning blow job. But I just say “Thanks, that’s so sweet, have a good day at work,” as I shut the door in your face.’

Miss Fleur

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